Hit me like a semi truck

Ever have one of those days where you just can't shake the feeling of inadequacy? Where not matter how hard you try, you just feel like it's not quite good enough? Where the emotional relationship you have with food comes out in high gear? Well today was one of those days for me...

To start out with I'm PMSing, so I am highly emotional, want to do nothing but eat, and am bloated. Add to that my home situation is extremely stressful and wearing. PLUS I didn't get to the gym today. All that adds up to feeling like I was punched in the face (emotionally). So with all that I think I need to talk about my relationship with food (then probably go bake something lol).

Food is a very strange subject for me, it is something I am very passionate about. I love to bake, I love to cook, I LOVE to eat. I don't think I have ever really had the healthiest relationship with food. I mean it was not so unhealthy that is was to the point of an eating disorder, but it was a dysfunctional relationship for sure.

I have always relied on food. When I was bored, it gave me something to do. When I was sad, it made me feel better. When I was happy, I celebrated with food. I was also lucky to grow up in a home where my mom, and Gma, knew how to cook well. As a kid this was all fine a dandy. I was fairly active, had a fast metabolism, and was a kid. Lol But come about my junior year, it started to be a problem. I was eating more fast food due to a very active extra curricular schedule. I was getting less exercise, due to said schedule. I was also dealing with my metabolism slowing down a tad. I want to say I saw about 10lbs in weight gain my last two years of high school. But I refused to see the issues, or to listen to my mom when she tried to talk to me about it. My senior I was at my biggest of approx 150lbs (only 10ish lbs less than my delivery weight with my second baby, and 5ish less than with my first...) and refusing to wear bigger than a juniors sz11 (even though I probably should have been).

My freshman year of college my relationship with food become a little more "healthy", even if my diet wasn't the best. I was a poor college student who was used to eating delicious home cooked meals at least 2-3x a week. Don't get me wrong, the dorm food wasn't bad but it wasn't home. It was here tho that I got addicted to energy drinks, imagine that. Lol I managed to loose a couple lbs during my freshman year, and got down to between 140-145lbs.

My relationship with food has come and gone from unhealthy since then, mainly depending on how much extra we had to spend on crap at the time. It wasn't until I started actively trying to loose weight that my relationship became more dysfunctional in one area and less dysfunctional in another. My relationship with WHAT I eat and my portions has become quite healthy. As a family we have decided to change the way we eat, for the most part. We make basically everything from scratch. I even make my own chicken stock and such. However, I am not the type of person to completely deprive myself of anything. I still have my desserts, I still eats all those delicious carbs, and I love everything dairy. The relationship that has gotten more dysfunctional is WHEN I eat.

While I was counting calories I became so obsessed with not eating too much ( don't get me wrong, my min was 1500cal BEFORE working out) that when I got emotional I had to force myself to eat. That habit has stuck with me, along with sometimes forgetting to eat when I get busy. Those habits, and dysfunctions, have stuck with me even now that I am no longer counting calories. Well, except when I'm PMSing, then I just want to eat everything in sight. Lol

These new dysfunctions have been hard for me to deal with lately. My home situation has been highly stressful. My marriage is on the rocks, AND my husband deploys for the first time in October for 8 months. Plus, I have a 3 year old and almost 2 year old which are stressful enough as is. I have been "forgetting" to eat a lot, and when I do eat I usually have to force myself. Not this week, like I said, I'm in eat everything in sight mode. Lol

It's weird for me to sit and write about this, because I don't even really know what my point is... Basically what I am saying is my relationship with food has always been so intertwined with my emotions that I don't know how to break the cycle. I feel like I went from one extreme to the other. How do I build a healthy relationship with food, when cooking/baking is one of my biggest ways of loving on someone (I'm Italian, it's in my blood...)? How do I build a non-emotion based relationship with food when I have lived with an emotion based relationship all my life?

Feeling a bit random...

This post is going to be a bit random, just to warn everyone. Lol

I went and did my body fat % test this morning. It was nice to finally see exactly where I am at. I was actually extremely happy with my results! The last time I did the test was in march and I was nervous I was going to see a higher % than I saw last time, even though I know I have lost weight and I can see more definition. But I have gone down from 19.6% to 19.1%. The part the shocked me the most was it says I weigh 120.4lbs.

If I am remembering my numbers from last time correctly that means I have lost around 6lbs of just body fat since the last time I tested. That astounds me! I didn't realize my workouts were that affective. lol oh, and something else that is crazy is I stopped dieting in April. Needless to say I'm pretty proud.

I really feel like my body has changed drastically since I started running more seriously. I feel I have more overall definition than I did before, even if I am doing less strength work. They say running is the best full body workout you can do, and I am by far starting to agree. My calves have never looked this good, and my thighs have gotten pretty tight and defined as well. Basically my legs have become what I always wanted them to look like. I have definitely fallen in love with my thunder thighs. A lot of people who give me crap for calling them that, because as far as measurement goes they aren't very big. But, my quads are huge (and I only plan on building them up more!) and I love them.

I am actually hoping to go on a run once I finish writing this. The weather is perfect, Chase is home, my kids are sleeping, AND I exchanged my Vibrams today!

Oh man. Let me just tell you how much I love REI. That store has never done me wrong. I honestly cannot think of a time when I was upset by anything or anyone at any REI location. But here is the latest awesomeness from them. I went in today to exchange my Vibrams, because, as I mentioned the other day, they were a size two big and causing serious pain in my ankle. I was pretty nervous there would be some kind of problem, for several reasons. First, I bought them almost 3 weeks ago and they had OBVIOUSLY been worn. Second, I didn't have my receipt or the box. But when I went up and told the cashier the issue, she simply pulled up my REI member info (a great reason to be a member FYI), told me to go find the size I need and we could do the exchange. That was it. No "Let me talk to my manager" or anything. It was so painless I'm still in shock. Basically, if you don't shop at REI, you should, and invest in an REI membership, it is beyond worth it.

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Mileage goal: 15+
Strength goal: 30DS 6x

Mileage w2d: 14.89mi
Strength w2d: 30DS 4x

I saw this pic at Macy's today and had to share it

Weekly Chase 8/20-8/27 & 30 Day Shred start info

 

It has been such an insane week already and it's only Tuesday... BUT I am taking the time to make my Weekly Chase Goals (even if I was supposed to post this yesterday lol). If you haven't heard of the Weekly Chase that the wonderful Ms. Melissa does over at Live Love Run does you should really go check it out. It's an awesome way to set and stay accountable to your goals, even if you don't blog.

Ok, so last week I didn't set any goals because it was an insane week of getting back from vacation, my older daughter Chi starting preschool, and dealing with my stupid sore ankle. But how I usually do it is I set 3 goals: a mileage (for walking to be included it has to be at at least a 10 incline) goal, a strength goal, and a daily life goal.

This weeks goals:

1. Mileage goal: I am going to keep this at 15. My ankle is just getting better (I figured out what the deal with it was!!)
2. Strength Goal: 30 day shred everyday, taking Saturday as a rest day
3. Daily Life Goal: Deal with my Vibrams at REI

On a little side note, and an explanation of #3, I figured out how I messed up my ankle. It did have to do with running on the old treadmill at the hotel fitness room in Seattle, but it was also largely because my Vibrams are too big.

This is the anatomy of the bottom of my new Vibrams. I bought them for trail runs, mud runs, etc. The issue with them being too big is, see the wonderful arch protector? Well that thing was my arch in the wrong spot, causing serious pain in my foot and putting stress on ankles that already have issues. How do I know this is the reason, you may ask. I wore my other Vibrams, the ones I have been wearing for the last 8 months, while doing my 30 Day Shred this morning and didn't have any issues.

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30 Day Shred Start Info



Ok, again, I should have posted this yesterday when I actually started my shred but yesterday was insane beyond words. I didn't even get my shred in until 2130 (930pm for all you civilians ;) lol). I was actually a little shocked at how intense the shred felt yesterday and today. I'm not gonna lie, I was expecting to be able to just blow through it. Man was that a joke! I barely made it through yesterday, and had to do half the push ups on my knees today... Today's calorie burn for my shred was 251cals. I am also trying to schedule a bodyfat % test, hopefully by the end of the week. I am really excited to see my changes.

My Day 1 measurements:

Weight:121.5lbs

Bicep: 10"

Pecs: 31.75"

Chest: 30.75" (see I'm not lying when I say my pecs are bigger than my boobs...)

Waist: 25"

Hipbones: 31.75"

Hips(5" below hipbone): 37"

Thigh (6" above knee): 20"

Calf (8" above anklebone): 13.75"

A couple notes on my measurements. I measured things I wanted to track the change in. For the last three measurements, the inches above or below aren't technical places to measure or anything, it's just so I measure in the same spot lol. My weight will probably go up. I am typically at between 122-125lb but with how busy I have been and the stress I've been dealing with I have been forgetting to eat, but that is an issue for tomorrow's post.

My Day 1 Pics:

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Mileage Goal: 15+

Strength Goal: 30DS 6x

Mileage w2d: 3.34

Strength w2d: 30ds 2x

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PS
I started my first job since Feb '10 last night!! I am pretty stoked to work at Starbucks!
PPS
Those pants are my first pair of "skinny"s (which is a HUGE deal coming from a self proclaimed skinny jean hater!), AND they are a smaller size than I have worn EVER!

30 day shred challenge Day 1

Today has been such a LONG day. It started with taking my oldest to preschool at 830. Then my little one and I went to the gym and I ran 2 miles, did some weights, then did a mile at 10-13 incline. After that we went and picked up Chi from preschool, went to the grocery store for things for dinner, came home popped dinner into the crockpot, and snuggled with my oldest on the couch. THEN I cleaned up the kitchen, got ready for work, went to my first day of work at Starbucks from 6-830, came home and dinner.

After all that all I wanted to do was pass out on the couch... BUT I made a commitment to start this 30 dat shred today, so I forced myself to do it. Let me just tell you, it was ROUGH!! But I did it. I will post all my measurements and pics tomorrow, cuz now it's time for bed.

30 Day Shred Challenge

This is it folks!! It is time for my 30 Day Shred Challenge!


I am really excited about this, I love this work out. As I mentioned yesterday I have a bit of an obsession with Jillian Michaels, and it all started with this dvd. I first heard about this workout program from friends at myfitnesspal.com, all of whom had awesome results. One of my friends convinced me to try it with her, and I was so impressed with the changes I saw (see my results here). I know a couple people who have been wanting to try it, and said they might be interested in doing it with me. I am so happy to be able to set this up. There is nothing quite like the motivation and accountability of doing a program with a group of people! So are you in?


If your answer is yes, here is what I am asking of YOU:

1. Take a picture before you workout on day 1 (I like to measure, weigh, and take the pics first thing in the morning, after going to the bathroom, to get a number that is affected by as little variables as possible)
2. Measure yourself before you workout on day 1. I measured my weight, true waist, my hip bones (aka love handles), hips, thigh, bust, bicep, and neck
3. Measure (and take a picture if you want, I always forgot...) yourself on the day you start each new level
4. Check in with me on the first day of each new level. I will post a blog about it and you can either check in there, or on the post on my facebook page. You don't have to tell me your measurements or anything (unless you want to), just let me know you are still with me.
5. Take a final picture and measurement the day after you finish all 30 days
6. We will have a final check in at the very end, again you don't have to tell me any numbers I just want to know who made it all the way through and what you thought.
7. I really suggest only doing the shred 6 days a week, and giving yourself that rest day. It helps, I promise

Everyone who completes this challenge will receive a pair of these AWESOME Sweat Pink laces from Fit Approach, no joke these make me want normal running shoes (instead of my Vibrams) so I can rock these laces! If you are a fellow SPA, I will find something just as sweet to send you.

If you're in LET ME KNOW! We start Monday!

I may be obsessed...

I may or may not be having a bit of a fitness love affair with Jillian Michaels... I own 5 of her 10 fitness dvds, her dumb bell set, and got all nerdy excited when I saw she has a kettlebell 5-10-15lb set too.

So I am finally back from "vacation", and am pretty sure I need a vacation to recover from it. The only time I truly got to relax was while I was camping last weekend. But it was so worth it, I got to do some awesome runs. Even if I did come home with two sick kids and a messed up ankle. Luckily my older daughter recovered just in time to go to her first day of Preschool today :) It is so hard to believe she is already that old.

While I was in Portland I picked up two more Jillian dvds: 30 day shred (since mine has disappeared) and Yoga Meltdown (I have been talking about trying yoga for awhile). I don't know what it is about Jillian, but I just love her. Her dvds are the only ones I can do day after day and not want to punch the person on the dvd in the face. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that she owns the fact that working out is tough, and that it can suck sometimes, but you have to fight through it to get results. I am really excited about the addition of Yoga to my collection.

I have been pretty sad about my ankle. I promised my body I would take the week off from running to try and let it heal, but I needed the stress relief only a workout brings. It was mental power struggle not to go running today, so I decided to try Yoga Meltdown instead. I loved it.

Normally I hate yoga. I've done it maybe a handful of times and never even remotely enjoyed it... But something about the way Jillian puts it together in the dvd made it enjoyable. Don't get me wrong, it was hard, and I was once again reminded that my balance sucks... But, I got through it and my body feels way looser than it did when I started. I was stretching muscles I didn't even know I had, and could really feel it in my inner thighs (YES!!! They could use some tightening...lol) Basically, what I am trying to say is it was an awesome workout and I will definitely be doing it again.

I know I said I would be starting my 30 day shred challenge today, but life got crazy and my ankled got screwed so I am planning on starting on Monday. I will post details about it tomorrow for anyone who is interested in joining me! :)

Running Adventures

I have been doing my best to get my mileage in while on vacation. I'm not gonna lie, it's actually been easier because I haven't had to worry about my girls while I'm running.

I went running this morning in Seattle, down on the waterfront, and they were doing tons of construction. Needless to say the path they usually have for bikes and running was all screwed up and they had very poorly marked detour paths. So I did what I would normally do, set my eyes on the guy in front of me who looked like he knew the area and just followed him.

I should have known, I should have recognized the under armour shirt he was wearing since my husband has the EXACT same one that he wears with his uniform. But I was running, not thinking, and didn't even notice. I didn't notice until we went through the gate of the US Coast Guard base in Seattle...

The gate guard didn't even stop me, he simply smiled at me as I ran past. I stopped when I saw signs for the exchange, the gym, etc. Looking around I realized I really was on a base... But I had my military ID on me, so I went exploring. Lol No one ever stopped me, but I did almost hit up the gym. ;)

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Mileage goal:15+
Jillian Michaels: 2x

Mileage w2d: 13.93
Jillian Michaels: 0